Something huge happened.

After 19 years, I have stepped away from the Civil Service.

Even typing that feels a bit strange.

For now, it’s a career break. But after almost two decades in the security and familiarity of the public service, I have taken a fairly massive leap into something new.

I’ve joined Independent Living Movement Ireland, ILMI, as a Community Development Worker, working on the cross-border ONSIDE Evolution project.

New job.

New chapter.

And yes, a fair amount of “What the hell am I doing?” thrown in for good measure.

Nineteen Years Is a Long Time

I joined the Civil Service 19 years ago.

During that time, I worked within the Department of Justice and, more recently, under the Commissioner of An Garda Síochána.

Nineteen years gives you a lot.

I learned new skills. I gained experience. I grew up professionally.

Most importantly, I met some brilliant people along the way, including people I know will remain lifelong friends.

There is also something else the public service gives you.

Security.

And let’s not pretend that doesn’t matter.

A permanent public service job in Ireland comes with a level of safety that is very difficult to walk away from.

You know your salary is coming in.

You have your pension.

You understand the systems.

You know how things work.

After 19 years, there’s comfort in that familiarity.

And when you’re a disabled person, security can carry even more weight.

The world isn’t always designed to make taking risks particularly easy for us.

So was I scared to make this decision?

You bet your bottom dollar I was.

Something Had Changed

Over the last five or six years, something else has been happening in my life.

I’ve been learning.

About disability.

About rights.

About the Social Model of Disability.

And, strangely enough, I’ve been learning about myself.

For most of my life, I knew I was disabled.

Obviously.

Bit hard to miss the wheelchair.

But understanding disability through the Social Model gave me a completely different way of looking at my life.

The Social Model tells us that having an impairment isn’t what disables us.

Barriers do.

An inaccessible building disables me.

An attitude can disable me.

A policy written without disabled people in mind can disable me.

A lack of accessible transport can disable me.

And once you start seeing those barriers, it’s very hard to stop seeing them.

More importantly, once you understand that you have rights, it’s very hard to go back to simply accepting things because “that’s the way it’s always been.”

I Found My Passion

Something clicked.

The more I learned about disability rights, equality, independent living and the importance of disabled people having our own voices, the more I wanted to be involved.

Not on the sidelines.

Properly involved.

I found myself increasingly drawn towards advocacy, community development, Disabled Persons’ Organisations and creating spaces where lived experience is treated as knowledge.

I found my passion.

And eventually I had to ask myself a fairly uncomfortable question.

If this is where my passion is, why am I not leaning into it?

That’s a difficult question when answering it might mean changing the comfortable life you’ve spent nearly two decades building.

The Scary Bit

There’s a tendency when someone makes a big life change to rewrite the story afterwards.

We make it sound terribly brave.

“I just knew.”

“I followed my heart.”

“I wasn’t afraid.”

Absolute nonsense.

I was afraid.

There were practical things to think about.

There were financial things to think about.

There was the security of my existing career.

There was the little voice asking whether I was completely mad to leave something so safe.

And there was another voice.

A quieter one at first.

It kept saying:

You know this work.

Not because I read about disability in a textbook.

I live it.

Every single day.

I know what it’s like to navigate a world that wasn’t always designed with me in mind.

I know what exclusion feels like.

I also know what happens when disabled people come together, recognise our collective power and start demanding better.

My lived experience isn’t the only thing I bring to this new role. Nineteen years of work experience doesn’t disappear because I’ve changed direction.

I’m bringing all of it with me.

But for perhaps the first time in my working life, my lived experience as a disabled person isn’t something sitting alongside my professional life.

It’s part of what I bring to the table.

And that feels important.

A New Chapter

So here we are.

Community Development Worker with Independent Living Movement Ireland.

I’ll be working through ONSIDE Evolution, a cross-border partnership programme, with a particular focus on Monaghan.

There is a lot for me to learn.

New people.

New communities.

New systems.

New challenges.

And I’m sure there will be moments when I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into.

But underneath the nerves is excitement.

Real excitement.

Because I know this is the right step for me.

Sometimes the safest option and the right option aren’t the same thing.

And after 19 years, I think I’m ready to find out where this road goes.

Monaghan, I’m Coming for Ye

So I’ll finish with this.

To disabled people living in Monaghan, keep an eye out for us.

If you see ONSIDE Evolution coming your way, come and find out what we’re doing.

Get involved.

Bring your experiences.

Bring your ideas.

Bring the things that frustrate you.

Bring the things you want to change.

Community development shouldn’t be about somebody arriving into an area and deciding what disabled people need.

It starts with disabled people themselves.

Our voices.

Our experiences.

Our communities.

Our choices.

Nothing about us without us isn’t just a catchy slogan. It means something.

After 19 years, I’ve taken the leap.

I’m nervous.

I’m excited.

I’m ready to get stuck in.

So come on Monaghan, let’s shake things up.