Most people start their day making choices.

What to wear. Where to go. How to get there.
They don’t even think about it they just do it.
But if you’re a disabled person or someone living with an impairment, choice isn’t something you can always count on.

That everyday freedom to choose isn’t always guaranteed. That’s the real truth most people don’t talk about. You live in a world not built with you in mind. Because of this, the simple freedom of choice is often taken away.

Let’s Talk About Choice

For me, the difference between a good day and a tough one often comes down to this:

• Can I get where I want to go without worrying about steps, broken lifts or narrow doorways?
• Can I say yes to a spontaneous invite without needing to plan every detail of access?
• Can I enjoy a public event without being made to feel like a “special case” or an afterthought?

Spoiler: most of the time, I can’t.

I live a life where asking is part of the daily routine.
Asking for support. Asking for clarity. Asking for space.
I do it because I have to, and I’m grateful when I get it, but it’s still exhausting.

It wears on you, not just physically, but emotionally. Especially when society expects you to always be cheerful and thankful. It’s not about being unkind or dismissive. It’s about craving agency over your own life. Most people don’t realise how privileged they are to have that agency until it’s taken away or until they meet someone who’s never had it.

There’s no shame in needing help. But the real issue is why help is needed in the first place. Because in an inclusive world, support should be built in, not something we constantly have to request.

Hidden Disabilities, Invisible Barriers

It’s easy to notice a wheelchair.
It’s harder to see chronic pain, fatigue, sensory overload, or cognitive processing differences.

But just because something is invisible doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

Here are just a few examples of hidden barriers:

• Bright, noisy spaces that overwhelm people with sensory processing disorders
• Booking systems that require phone calls only, leaving d/Deaf or nonverbal people excluded
• Forms that aren’t screen reader accessible for blind or partially sighted users
• Toilets locked in staff only areas, where you need to “ask permission” just to use a basic facility

And the list goes on.

The world makes a lot of assumptions about what disability looks like  and those assumptions often decide who gets included, and who gets left behind.

The Difference Between Models: Charity vs Social

To really understand where these attitudes come from, we have to talk about the frameworks that shape how people view disability.

The Charity Model

This model sees disabled people as objects of sympathy.
We’re positioned as people to be cared for, looked after, or rescued.
It reduces our lives to stories of sadness and struggle the “heart wrenching” tale designed to pull on your emotions or your wallet.

In this model, we are recipients of help, not active agents in our own lives.

It’s rooted in pity.
And pity might open hearts, but it rarely opens doors.

The Social Model

This is the model I align with, and the one that reflects the reality I live every day.

It says that people are disabled not by their impairments, but by the barriers society puts in their way.
Things like:

• Poor planning
• Inaccessible design
• Outdated policies
• Discrimination dressed up as procedure

The social model doesn’t ask what’s “wrong” with the person.
It asks what’s wrong with the system that doesn’t include them.

This model calls for access, equity, and justice not charity.

Why I Say “Disabled Person” or “Living with an Impairment”

Language matters.

I don’t use phrases like “person with a disability” because they separate the person from the reality  as if my disability is something to be set aside or softened to make others more comfortable.

The phrase “disabled person” is a political and personal choice.
It reflects how society disables me through physical, structural, and attitudinal barriers.

I also say I live with an impairment because that’s my reality.
It doesn’t define me, but it does shape my world.
And I won’t deny that just to make things easier for someone else.

This language connects me to a wider community.
It recognises our shared fight for access, justice, and representation.
It affirms our identity, our experiences, and our right to speak for ourselves.

Recognising Non Disabled Privilege

If you’re non disabled, there’s a good chance you’ve never had to think twice about how you move through the world.

You can:

• Hop on a bus without checking if there’s space for a wheelchair
• Book a last minute hotel without calling to ask about access
• Walk into a building without being stared at or questioned
• Enjoy a meal out without scanning for the nearest toilet or quiet space

You get to be spontaneous.
You get to make choices.

That is a form of privilege.

And naming it isn’t about blame it’s about awareness.

If you’re non disabled, use that awareness.
Be the person who questions access.
Be the friend who waits.
Be the employer who adapts.
Be the community member who pushes for more.

Why I’m Sharing This

I’m not sharing this for sympathy.

I’m sharing it because the truth needs to be heard.

We can’t build a more inclusive society if we only look at visible ramps and parking spaces.
We have to look deeper at attitudes, structures, and language.

Being a disabled person is not a burden.
It’s a reality.
And within that reality, there is strength, perspective, community, and pride.

We deserve more than just access.
We deserve agency.
We deserve choice.

I’m proud to be a disabled person.
Not despite my impairment.
But because I’ve learned the power of showing up in a world that still doesn’t always make room.

And I won’t stop pushing for that room to be made.

If you’d like to hear more of my lived experience or bring this conversation to your organisation, you can schedule a session or email me directly at hello@avrilgreham.ie I’d love to connect.